Hange Zoe's fantasies
by Neechu
Summary: [TRANSLATION] [Collection of ficlets] Hange Zoe's eccentricity needs no further proof and her twisted mind won't stop driving her comrades up the wall! [crack!]
1. Rivaille and the bathtub

**Disclaimer :** I don't own anything from Shingeki No Kyojin, of course.  
This is a translation of my own collection of ficlets : Les Humeurs d'Hanji Zoe ( _s/11075461/_ )

 **Notes :** Hi ! I don't know how to start this note because it's the first time ever that I publish something in english. I'm French, and I have to admit that I'm curious to explore the english fandom. (No, in fact, I'm frightened!)  
This fic is a crack fic, there's nothing smart about it, so it may be OOC sometimes. But I hope that it will make you smile, at least.  
Levi is called... Rivaille. It's ugly, I know but I feel like it's perfect for cracks.  
Thank you to Akuma Shoujo23 who make it readable.

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01.  
 **Rivaille and the bathtub.**

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If there was something that Hange Zoe would ardently protect, it would be her privacy. However the squad leader had no scruples about violating others.

"Oy, Four-Eyes ! Get the hell out of here! Your shoes are filthy!"

"Oh! Rivaille~! It is for the sake of science! You're the perfect subject for my study about the proportions of the human body!"

Carefully folding his shirt, the squad leader grumbled. The thought of having his bath in peace seemed impossible! Fucking Four-Eyes.

"Stop looking at me like that, you're crazy! I'm gonna keep my pants on until you get your ass out of here. And hurry up, before I make you!"

"Come on, it's for the sake of science!"

He clicked his tongue and he pushed her struggling self out of the bathroom.

"Go check out the proportions of the titans instead of pissing me off!"

"I've already checked it out, you dummy! The Titans have no reproductive organs! Moreover, Eren, he..."

"Do you think I give a fuck about that?" he roared, before looking his colleague in the eyes, those eyes.

"I repeat, I don't give a shit! OKAY?"

"Come on, Rivaille, I've been so bored since my two titans were killed, and Eren still not managing to transform... You just have to show me your..."

A kick in her ass tossed her out and he locked the door behind him.

"What a pain in the ass!" he sighed, hoping to be finally able to wash himself quietly.

Keeping an ear out for the slightest noise, and considering the silence as being a good sign, he decided to undress. Once completely bare, ready to go into the bathtub, he heard the key turning in the lock.

"HANGE, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"


	2. In Erwin Smith's office

**Disclaimer :** I don't own anything from Shingeki No Kyojin, of course.  
This is a translation of my own collection of ficlets : Les Humeurs d'Hanji Zoe ( _s/11075461/_ )

 _Thanks to KingBarbie for your review._

 **Notes :** Hi ! Here I go for the second text. I'm sorry if it's take a while between each publications but translation is way more difficult than I expected ;-)  
Thank you to Akuma Shoujo23 who make it readable.

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02.  
 **In Erwin Smith's office.**

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Crossing his arms, Erwin observed his eccentric squad leader, her bottom firmly planted on his desk, complaining again about the disappearance of her two subjects of study, Sonny and Bean. But his patience was legendary, he never stumbled. Well, almost never.

"Did you know that Rivaille managed to fill his pants despite his small size?"

Coughing, he put down his cup of tea, almost choking in the process.

"Hange, that's enough. Recently I was told that Eren had screamed 'rape' while he was in the dungeons."

"It's important to know everything about the human kind in order to protect oneself better!"

He sighed for a long time.

"I don't see the connection with your obsession on the size of the attributes of the members of the Survey Corps."

"For reproduction! Well, finding a human being capable of touching Rivaille is still a long way to go- well, a woman that is."

She then gave a dazzling smile to her boss before going out by granting a last look to her superior, proud of her.

"I believe that Erwin blushed!"


	3. The limits of the patience

**Disclaimer :** I don't own anything from Shingeki No Kyojin, of course.  
This is a translation of my own collection of ficlets : Les Humeurs d'Hanji Zoe ( _s/11075461/_ )

 _Thanks to Julius Night and Opin88 for your review.  
(I hope I did respond to you when you did post the reviews ? If not, I'm really sorry !)_

 **Notes :** After a long time, the third text is finally here. I'm really sorry that it takes so much time. My french works are more important for me. :)  
Thank you to Akuma Shoujo23 who made it readable.

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03.  
 **The limits of the patience.**

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With a heavy tread, Corporal Rivaille crossed the yard while dragging a particularly noisy package.

"Oy the brats, move from there!" He yelled, passing through the small band.

"Corporal, what happened?" Eren asked, eyes wide.

Holding Hange by the collar he dragged her behind him without any care.

"Ereeeen~, help meeee!" the scientist begged, stretching her arms out towards him.

Mikasa kicked her in the hands while they got to close to Titan-shifter.

"Manage yourself!" The brunette grumbled out.

"It's okay, Mikasa, I know how to defend myself!" Eren groaned.

"Eren" began Hange with her bright eyes "you knew that Riv... AIIIE!"

"Shut up!" The small brunette sneered by giving a swift kick to the bottom of the scientist.

Then he kept dragging his colleague farther towards the well where they had first experiment with Eren, observed by the frightened recruits.

"Shit, I knew I should have joined the Military Police!" Jean groaned while discreetly shooting daggers at Eren.


End file.
